I created this space two and a half years ago and here I am finally. I had grand plans to journey through part of my pregnancy and being a mother to an infant. I ended up sick through most of my pregnancy and spent a lot of time distracting myself or resting. Whoever coined the term “morning sickness” did not know my body. I was sick all throughout the day and pregnancy.
My little bundle of joy arrived and the chaos began. We had breastfeeding troubles that kept us at lengthy lactation consultant appointments, pumping, breastfeeding, bottle feeding, and repeat. This went on for the first eight weeks of my sons life. In there was a hospital stay due to a virus and a snowstorm that followed. We had no downtime, as new parents often experience. We did not spend hours staring into the eyes of our weegan. Instead, we were worrying about him getting enough food and my body producing enough to sustain this sweet little weegan. Once this all cleared up, I became an exclusive breast-feeder and stopped supplementing with donor milk.
During those eight weeks postpartum depression set in. I was supposed to feel so joyful during this time. I loved my son more than life itself, but I felt an emptiness in my heart. I would dream about running away and never returning or just not existing. Most of these feelings were kept locked inside my head dancing around and taunting me during the day. The isolation felt so lonely. When my husband went back to work after six weeks, I wanted to crumble apart into a million tiny pieces. I counted down the hours until his return home from work and kept the TV on to fill the void each day. How could I feel this way when I had the most beautiful person in my arms? Hormones are a strange thing. They wreck havoc on your system. They made me question if I even wanted to be a parent. Postpartum depression is very real. I finally understood the sorrow that many new mothers feel.
As the weeks went by, these feelings did not subside as quickly as I had expected. Even now 23 months later, I still have a bit that lingers inside. The thing that helped me snap out of the deepest fog I was in was getting breastfeeding down and finding a group of parents, mostly mothers, to socialize with during the day. I also found other things to keep me engaged and started returning to the things that I used to enjoy in life.
One of the things that I enjoy is blogging. I used to actively blog before I got pregnant. Luckily about a year ago or so, a few of us decided to start a blog where we review vegan products. That has been such a fun outlet for me, but I needed a bit more of blogging in my life. So here you have it- this is my journey as vegan, gluten freer, and a little bit crunchy mother.